Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
