i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
