I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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