If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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