I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
