Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
