Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
