here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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