Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
