I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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