So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
