it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
