We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
