That's intense
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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