I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
