she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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