I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
