just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
