so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
