my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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