You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
