Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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