After last night, I could never be a politician.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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