i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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