I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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