My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
