I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
