Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
