Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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