he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
