Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Randomize
