I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
