So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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