u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She said her name was "party"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
