If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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