I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Shame - the story of my life.
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