just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
