After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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