he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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