omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
