i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
