John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
