We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
