I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
