well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
