weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
bring money and cleavage
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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