The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
