Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
zippers are such a cool invention
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
