They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
