i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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