She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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