Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
