I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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