the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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