haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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