Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
