I think my vagina is haunted
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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