He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
